Some of you may have been aware that, for the past month or so, I have been seeing someone new. Someone who reads this blog. Someone I actually met through this blog (and hers as well, and Bitter's).
This girl is great. There can be no denying she is a terrific person. She has it going on.
Yet, for some reason, we couldn’t make it work. Apart from any other issues that might have existed or developed, we just couldn’t get along, We argued perhaps more than half the time we spoke. From the beginning this seemed to be the case (once we’d met). And I can’t persist in that kind of environment. My work is plenty stressful, and I absolutely need my personal life to be placid. Fun, but peaceful.
This was not.
To compound that, she was talking to my sister, my sister was talking to her, Happy was emailing with her (Dunno why?, doesn’t matter), and everything was under the magnifying glass for me because she wrote about it quite often on her blog. When she was upset, happy, irritated, etc., there it was.
I had a hard time conceiving of the long term situation with her, because of the constant arguing. During law school I had a relationship that started similarly – it didn’t last and it ended badly. So I saw only a slim hope of success. I always felt this since we’d had these initial issues, but she was more optimistic. That was a problem for me, because I didn’t want her to be ALL IN, for me not to be, and for her to feel too hurt as a result.
So when it came down to it, I saw little reason to expect that we had a realistic shot. I told her I’d be willing to hang out, but I didn’t really see it going anywhere. And because I couldn’t see that, she decided she didn’t want to hang out at all anymore.
Was I wrong? At 36, is there a good reason for me to have continued. To perhaps shaded conversation more positively about this relationship than I perceived it? I don’t think so. Did I not have enough faith that things would get better- I don’t know why I should have. The history didn’t point to a better future. So I am single again, and while its OK with me, I hope she’s OK, and it isn’t the happiest of evenings.
Grumpy
11 comments:
Aren't the two of you just being a little fast, pushing everything a little too much?
Honestly, I have followed this and I do really think you two could make it work... just.take.your.time.
And no it won't be easy, but so far both of you have proven there is enough to start with, to work at.
Oh STFU, you know advice is always easier than applying it oneself.
Why the big write up big shifter?
Gear down and grow up my man.... you sound like a girl.
Franky - Ive thought enough about how this began. Its just not supposed to be this difficult. So its not about overthinking, if anything, I was trying to outthink it not working so well, to try to make excuses for it. And Im done doing that now.
Anon- Come on over, I'll put ya on yer ass. We'll see how much of a girl I am.
Grumpy: you have nothing to feel sorry for. You made the right decision so don't stress over what anyone else has to say. I, for one, think you did this girl a favor.
Grumpy, I think I'll follow the hidden advice in that and never allow such a thing to be difficult anymore.
I can't imagine that would have made me another man tho, but rather bitter. (no pun intended)
Just sometimes if two liked people try this step, one likes to see it work out. Can you blame me? ;-)
Jill - I guess if I did this girl a favor, then she's lucky to be rid of me? Perhaps. Im just going to try to take the high road on this one, and say she deserves someone who is totally and undeniably into her. And its easy to say, cause she does.
Franky - Not at all. Sorry for the brief response, I just dont have a whole lot more to add on the subject.
I'm sorry that it didn't work out. :(
Yikes! No, that's not at all what I meant. I can't imagine anyone would be lucky to be rid of you, Grumpy.
Dawn - Thanks for your kind thoughts.
Jill - OK. I guess I misunderstood.
I've had this problem in a relationship before. Constant fighting. Fighting in circles. He wouldn't let me apologize and he never apologized. It sucked.
I honestly think it was our insecurities. I don't know. I do know that he's a great guy and I can't really think of one bad thing to say about him. I will also say that I'm not the kind of person who has regrets. That's how I try and live my life, but I still think about things. I still wonder if we had just tried a little harder...could we have made it work? Or would we have fought every single day for the rest of our lives?
I will never know the answer to that question. Honestly, it's because we both just gave up. We didn't try to learn to have "discussions" rather than heated arguements. We were both passionate people. STUBBORN people. I think that a little less stubborn goes a long way sometimes. But, that is easier said than done.
I really probably shouldn't give anyone advice seeing as how I'm just as hopeless a case as anyone...just thought I'd share an experience.
Blonde - I think everyone just has to decide for themselves. Its not even about right vs. wrong, its just what works for the people involved.
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