What Kind of Kiss Do you Like?
I’ve kissed some girls. I don’t know how many. I couldn’t even guess.
I don’t remember all the girls I’ve kissed. I don’t think, at this point, at the ripening age of 36, I’d be able to remember half of them. A quarter? Maybe not. A tenth. Yeah, if you showed me their pictures and you didn’t count Mardi Gras kissing.
There really is nothing like a good kiss. And there is nothing like a bad kiss.
A good kiss stands on its own. It doesn’t really require a physical progression beyond the kiss, because the kissing is so good, its great just on its own At the same time, there is an implicit irony because the kiss, being so good, makes it desirable that you more on. Down the line. That whole denim/cotton/woolen waterfall of clothing.
Now a bad kisser can be like running into a brick wall. Or at least like running around one. I am a kissing snob, and if the kiss isn’t good, it is a real problem for me. Not only does it take away a very enjoyable part of the interaction between me and you, it also makes me wonder whether you won’t be quite so facile in some other related endeavours. And that’s a bad thing.
What’s a bad kiss? That whats on your mind now?
Well, I don’t like…
The Hard mouth, like women whose lips feel like rigor mortis. Ease up, why doncha.
The Baby Eagle, this is not sustenance, do not try to reach your tongue and lips into my throat, I am not regurgitating animal flesh for your consumption.
Bad breath. Enough said.
The Eyes open. Like kissing a mannequin. Think Im going somewhere. Wanna make sure? Keep your eyes open.
The Distracted peck. Come back later when your mind is on it.
Hard Biters. Please, get a life.
The Saint Bernanrd. You wanna slobber, get a dog.
Why am I talking about all this? Maybe I am just trying to increase my female readership. Maybe Isabella Snow inspired me.
What about you?
21 comments:
Wow. This is a tough one. I've thought about it and narrowed it down to my two favorites:
1) The Vacuum Kiss: where they clamp down over as much of my face as possible and just suck it into their mouths until it feels like the jaws of life may be required to extract my face from Vacuum dude's grip. Love that one!! Yum! :)
2) The Vampire Kiss: where they yank on my hair and bite my neck to the point where they've drawn blood. This must be finished off with a creepy grin and a "welcome to the underworld" type of statement. (While I'm sort of joking about this one, the hair pulling thing's really not so bad!) ;)
P.S. you seriously can only remember a tenth?? Is this due to sheer numbers or too many hits from the bong??
sheer numbers more than bong hits. can u remember all of em? no way.
All? Probably not but I'd say probably around 90%. Then again, I haven't been to mardi gras.
Hi! I stumbled on over to your blog, Grumpy, and I must comment on this post.
(ahem)
I do somewhat consider myself an expert on kissing, not because I actually AM but because I have COUNTED and I have kissed 100 guys (and 2 girls). Yes, 100 on the nose (I even devoted a post to it). So... as an experienced kisser, and kissee, I will say that yes, the good kiss can definitely be a deal sealer and the bad one, a breaker.
some of the worst:
1) the "Lickey": where the tongue seems to be on a rampage around the lips, making wet trails across my face and neck! EEEEEEYUCK!!
2) the "too soft": c'mon boy-- press your lips against mine and show me what they've got!! I WANT to feel some pressure, I WANT to taste some saliva, I WANT to know that when we take this to the next level, there is going to be some PASSION!
OK... I'm getting all worked up here.... Grumpy, sorry this is the first time we've met and I'm already ranting and raving. I hope you have a nice day.
LOL...I so love my friends. :) Ms. M: 100 guys and 2 girls?? You make me so proud!!
you wanna be #3? rrrrrrrowr!!
You read my mind. :)
I like the ones with the almonds in them.
I'm sure if I answer this my bro is gonna get all TMI! TMI! on my ass, but...
The slobberer is the WORST in my opinion. When you end up with saliva all around the outside of your mouth 'cause he doesn't realize that your mouth isn't that big!
Ewwww. Just ewwww.
And you go Ms M!
Ms. M. and Jill - Send me a pic of number 3. Or come over to my apt. and I'll watch. We can take it from there.
Does it seem to anyone that jill really likes this topic alot. Alot. Did I mention alot.
Julene. Thanks for stoppin by. First time?
Steph. I could deal with that. Obviously, I've seen you make out with newman outside that bar, and I swear to god you two were gonna swallow each others' heads. Which definitely falls on some no-no list on this posting.
lol. Any topic that inspires Ms. M to propose making out with me is a-okay in my book!
Didn't seem to bother either of us any, Grumpy. And isn't that what counts?
Yeah, well you two were prolly too smashed to be bothered. So yeah, it prolly didnt.
Jill. as I said, i have no issue with it either, just wanted to get a gander.
jill and i will make out, in due time.
i agree with Stephanie about the slobberer--- have you ever had a guy actually drool in your mouth? AAAAAAAHHHH!! Gross!
well, thats something i'd like to see ms. m. can you videotape it for me?
Ahem...Grumpy, you trying to make a new movie??
Grumpy, the drooling kisser or me and Jill? ha ha!
Ewww! Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl Ms. M!
Yecch!
Jill - with that cast, Id definitely start. Do you like to be on camera?
Ms. M. - Definitely you and Jill.
Steph. yeah. congrats btw. call u in a little.
I've got open school nite at 8pm, then heading out for a congratulatory drink with L and Quincy. After 8:30 on my cell if you're gonna try tonite :)
hmm..I love kissing but yes, a bad kiss ruins everything...my personal dislike so far is just too much slobber, and not properly connecting lol..
http://megisalone.blogspot.com DAMN BLOGGER BETA
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