The Song Remains The Same

So my birthday is around the corner, on Monday, actually. Heading into my late thirties (some would say at 35, I was already there, but Im not so literal).

What have I accomplished to this point, besides making women have multiple orgasms.

Hee hee. That’ll teach Bitter to talk about her sex life.

Lessee. Spent nine years in a career I never particularly enjoyed. Made bunches of money, didn’t save any unfortunately. That’s prolly OK, cuz I prolly would have spent it on making a movie, rather than raising money from others to make one.

I went through biz school and law school, in three years, and got a CPA. Such a rush to get nowhere I wanted to be, ahh, the irony. These are all tools in the toolbasket, of course.

I have no little amount of schooling – but Ive learned so much, good and bad, the past couple of years, about human nature, about how life really works. When you work for a big firm like I did, you live a little bit in a glass tower. You don’t so much interact with how life is for most people. I got my check, my problems were which vacation to take, how much to work (still a problem actually), which neighborhood to live in (could choose any I liked).

Being on my own, my entrepreneurship, makes things totally different. After leaving corporate America, first running a restaurant for some time, and then turning to the movie biz, and the film festival I run, these are very different from the experiences I had before. There are a lot less bites at the apple, people have very conflicting agendas and with very limited resources. These are the tradeoffs I made when I left doing something I didn’t enjoy for something I do- I don’t regret it, but things have become very different. My priorities changed, by necessity. My needs diminished in some regards. My expectations, vastly altered.

******

Things with E and me. She and I went to Brick Monday nite – BTW, great great movie, everyone should go see it and support it. Then, the nite before her mother came in from Russia, we got together. She got together with me, she tells me, despite wanting to spend some time alone because she wanted to see me. But while at her house, she started a fight about a joke I made, and was petulant. We made up, went for a motorcycle ride for an hour or so, then went back to her house. It was already quite late and she made me a cup of tea, to have before I went back on the bike for the ride home. As I was leaving, she told me that my goatee hurts too much, she cant and wont kiss me with it.

Half a joke, maybe two –thirds.

But of course, the issue is not the goatee (though I have had it for six years). The issue is what the HELL is going on. Then I got a text message, late last nite while I was out to dinner.

It reads : I mixed up the things was clumsy and felt hopeless last nite. I have some inner conflict and it got stress from it. I made u confuse I guess.

Seems like an apology. Or is it a backstep. When we spoke today, she told me that she was going to email me or talk to me today, that she needed some time alone. Didn’t know whether she meant in the future, or the time she had already taken. So yeah, she made me confused. We definitely have communication issues, when we aren’t in person.

And maybe more than I know, when we’re together as well.

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